The Kaos Theory

One of the nice thing about Comcast is the ability to play previously aired shows on demand. Up to a couple of days ago, most of the shows had the commercials removed or you could fast forward through them. Not any more. Now I am captive as they have removed the ability for me to bypass this crap. It looks like I’ll be DVR’ing EVERYTHING now. What pisses me off is I pay a shit load of $$ to get TV with on demand and now Comcast has gone and screwed that up.

Okay, it looks like I’ve got that feeling again. I’m efforting (a new word I made up) to start writing again. I don’t know why I stopped but sometimes my mind decides to venture off and is hard to corral. My impetus was a documentary I DVR’d on HBO entitled “Secrets of the Tribe“. It evolves around, get this, Anthropology and not just Anthropology but vindictive, nasty, back stabbing, sexual abusing, genocidal Anthropology.  All that in 90 minutes, I know its hard to believe.

A little back story first. Back in the halcyon days of college, circa 1982-3, one of my favorite “elective” courses was an intro to Anthropology…………through FILM! At that time I was an aspiring wanna be film student, but since I didn’t personally know Spielberg or Lucas it made it impossible to get into the film school. Alright, back to the main topic here. It had to be one of the best classes I ever had. Basically, we would watch movies these anthro guys made as they ventured of into the “unknown”. The Yanomami Indian section was a blast, little did I know but because of this I was exposed to one of my favorite people of all time, Napolean Chagnon. Not only did this man piss people off, nothing wrong with that, but he shattered some myths about human evolution. The general consensus that primitive cultures were forced into fighting with each other but he proved that aggression was a natural state of humans, primitive or not. My favorite revelation is when he interviews some the Indians asking what all the warring was about. In a nutshell, they were always fighting about women. If you get a chance to see the documentary I highly recommend it. I also recommend reading his book about his experiences with the Yanomami , Yanomamo: The Fierce People .

to all 4 of my readers.

What’s the big frickin deal? So he screws around behind his wife and family in epic fashion but other than the pain caused them, where’s the problem? He will either reconcile with her or not. What I don’t get is the sanctimonious bull krep that the self-proclaimed, pure is the driven snow, Mass Media? If these journal-jizzers actual do their job and take a look at the 535 buffoons leading this country over a cliff. How many of these wastes of humanity have screwed over their families, the list is endless. Leave the sensationalist reporting to the likes of the Enquirer.

I’ve lost all my energy in dealing with the morons at Best Buy. I finally got on Saturday from another manager, Armando, to inform me the parts to remedy the black screen issue won’t arrive until mid August. I’m not sure which year, I should have asked. Fortunately, they offered to replace the entire TV with a brand spanking new one. It better be of equal or more $ than the one I originally bought. He asked if I wanted it delivered and I said no thanks, I’ll come by and pick it up. So I left the situation at that and later during the weekend I decided it would be better to have them deliver it and set up the cabling etc, so I called back and talked to Armando again and asked if I could have it delivered. He said the earliest he could get it out to me would be Thursday and I said in no I think this Monday would be fine. Well, he states in that voice only a minimum wage associate of a large electronics dealer that this would be impossible to do because they contract out to the delivery and the route was already finalized, blah, blah blah. In other words he didn’t care one iota about the customer who has spent thousands of dollars in his store over the years. He kept saying Thursday and I responded Monday. Thursday, Monday, Thursday, Monday……… I was getting nowhere with this little piss ant and explained to him over and over the story and how I expected the delivery Monday…FINAL. He started getting snippy with me and I lost it. Dropped a few F-bombs on his sorry ass and let him know exactly how I felt. Later in the same day I got a message on my answering machine that they would deliver it THURSDAY! I resigned myself to the fate of having absolutely no control over the problem and didn’t return his call. This leads me up to about 20 minutes ago when I get another call from another person saying since I didn’t respond to the phone call, (Which I did) the delivery had been pushed back to FRIDAY! Keeping what little of my composure I had left, I told the associate I would be down to pick it up myself but please keep open the delivery until I could get me somebody to help with the install. Here’s the other kicker to this saga, if I’d kept the delivery for Friday, all Best Buy would have done was drop off the set and do a minimal install (sound). You see, I would have had to wait until after the 14th to have the Geek Squad do a full install. Unfriggin-believeable!!11!

This story seems to be never ending. While on our way to get a new front door knob, the other one broke some how. I notice I have a message on my cell phone. It’s from the Geek Squad informing me the part from Samsung will be delayed and could I give them a call. Since I was going to Home Depot and Best Buy is in the same vicinity, I would drop by and find out what their problem was. We queue up in front of the Geek Squad counter and wait for the next geek to talk to. Finally, a big sweaty kid with bad acne asks if he can help us. I explain the story and add the new info about the part delay and he say’s come with me. He waddles us over to the section of the store where they sell the TV’s and tells us to wait at the kiosk. He comes back armed with another cohort and I have to re-explain the situation to him. He asks another associate about what they can do and she tell us to go talk to “Sam”. We’ve lost acne boy and now are stuck with the cohort and he escorts us back towards the Geek Squad counter, tells us to wait right here. We wait. Finally, he comes back from the bowels of the store and says there are 2 things we can do. He can try to expedite the situation with Samsung or the manager would offer us a great price on a new TV and when our other is fixed we could just return it. WTF! That’s a policy I would have never expected from any company. I asked him if they could just loan me a TV and I’ll return it when mines fixed. He states they cannot do this so the wife pipes up, “I want to speak to the manager” and the cohort lumbers off to fetch him. After a few minutes “Jake” comes to talk to us. Jake? I thought they told us to talk to Sam? I’m beginning to think this is a ploy by the store to completely flummox me and it’s working to perfection. We run thru the litany again and ask why can’t the store just loan me a TV and he goes on trying to justify it with some krep about inventory blah blah blah. At this point I’m not listening anymore and I want out, quickly. As I start to walk away, he gets into his manager mode and asks for our name and phone number and says he will personally look into it. I’ve my doubts and don’t expect a call in the near future.

Due to technical difficulties with WordPress, I could not get any post to load. It appears there was a an issue with the random header generator I was using. I’ve been going back and forth with my domain manager to resolve the problem and they finally fixed it today. More post forthcoming, they might not be as topical as when I wanted to post them but what can you do. I blame Obama.

The Messiah’s wife is a piece of work. I’m gonna have to come up with a good name for her that exemplifies the contempt she has for us normal people and the country as a whole.

First lady Michelle Obama called her “current life” in the White House “a very blessed situation, because I have what most families don’t have — tons of support all around, not just my mother, but staff and administration. I have a chief of staff and a personal assistant, and everyone needs that.”

Well duh! Of course it would be nice to have all those things, In fact I do have a Chief of Staff, I’m married to her. She’s worth everything.

During her 10-minute speech, Obama advocated for sick leave for parents, flexible work hours for employees and on-site child care, which she said “is something that keeps many of us up at night….You’re just wondering where are we going to put our children where we feel like that they’re being safe, that they’re safe and being loved. That will relieve many of the stresses that parents feel on the job throughout the day.” 

So putting your littles ones in a government run and regulated day care(indoctrination) system will solve the problem? Here’s the rub, if we weren’t taxed to the nines, maybe just maybe, one of the parents could stay home and raise the children. I can’t think of a better way to make sure “they’re safe and loved”. Isn’t that a funtion of the parental units?

Obama said she personally knows the challenges of balancing work and family “trying to do a good job at both — and always feeling like you’re not quite living up to either — and trying not to pit one against the other, really trying to balance.”

Oh, she knows personally? She gets a 300k job working for a hospital that hubby funnelled earmarked tax money too? Move along, nothing to see here. If that job was sooooo important, how come they never refilled the job when she left to soil the White House?

Here are a few dire predictions of the Glowball warming crowd culled together in one spot for easy elocution.

“We have about five more years at the outside to do something.”
• Kenneth Watt, ecologist

“Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind.”
• George Wald, Harvard Biologist

“We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation.”
• Barry Commoner, Washington University biologist
(more…)

Just for Jen.

If you haven’t heard by now, it appears GlowBall Warming appears to be a…………bullshiite. Since the 14th of December we’ve had nothing but below freezing temps and about 2 feet of snow. Add to that about 1/2 inch of freezing rain and you have a recipe for . The high temp, as far as the crack Kaos Theory meteorologist I employ has relayed to me, has been 35 degrees. Here are some pics you might enjoy.

These first 2 were from the 14th floowed by 2 from the 22nd.

All the local news channels have their panties in a knot about the impending arctic blast we are going (supposed to) to have with in the next few hours. When it happens, I’ll believe it. The weather people up here are about as reliable as the big 3 auto makers. Here’s a screen grab from my weatherbug alert. Impressive.

We live smack dab in the middle of that.

The whole family was invited to Jen’s house to celebrate her 40th birthday on Saturday and you know it’s hard for me to pass up free food and beer. All in all it was a grand time and from what I’ve heard since then, we should not have left when we did. Evidently, it had something to do with Jen’s sister and no pants. Rumor on the grapevine confirms that its just is not a “Party” until this happens. Congrats Jen!

Happy 4th of July to all the Kaos minion and their families. I give you a picture from last year of all the kids enjoying the *ahem* fireworks *ahem*.

That’s the title from a Daily Mail article I found via Hotair. It’s funny in a understated British way. I’m not sure it was written to be funny but I found this bit. So straight forward, no room for imagination but the point is made.

Dr De Bruyn and a colleague were on Trypot beach at Marion Island to study elephant seals when they noticed a young, adult male Antarctic fur seal, in good condition, attempting to copulate with an adult king penguin of unknown sex.

The 16 stone seal first subdued the two-and-a-half stone penguin by lying on it. The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape – but to no avail.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to insert itself, unsuccessfully.

After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists reported.

The penguin did not appear to have been injured by the seal, they said.

Why a fur seal would indulge in such extreme sexual behaviour is unclear.

I love the way they used the word “subdued”, isn’t that a typical British way of speaking? The author could have used wrestled or overcame but he chose subdued. After my tea and crumpets, I shall subdue the dragon! I looked it up, 16 stones is about 231 lbs, that’s like a NFL DB size vs. 32 lbs child. No wonder he was just “flapped its flippers“, hell what could you do?  I wonder how many other predatory seals are going around pummeling their little cousins.? Where’s the UN Special Council on Mammal rape and how it is linked to global warming? Especially since it will be determined later by a consensus of scientists that it was Republican seal (Rovicus Rex).

After 45 minutes according to the seal but later verified by sources, that it determined the actually copulation time was more like 5 minutes. Sources could lie but the actions of the seal tells a completely different story. Typical of male interlopers of the male persausion(Yes, I mean all males as defined by the feminists), once the dirty deed is done we go off and…..

After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists reported.

Check this guy out. It’s long but the dude is friggin right on.

Black & White on the Grey Matters 2 (War)
h/t Baldilocks

I had another weird dream last night. This time I was going fishing with my brother “Bert”. I don’t usually write about “Bert” considering the dude rarely returns my emails or phone calls. That aside, the dream consisted of me landing a ginormous Coho Salmon with, you guessed it, the Popeil Pocket fisherman. When we were little Mom bought us one and “Bert” fancied himself the super angler. The only problem was it was a piece of shiite. Casting was virtually impossible. Invariably the line would bird nest inside the contraption forcing you to spend most of your time untangling the line. BTW, “Bert” was not happy in my dream, that should have been his Coho. Here’s a pic of the version we had.

Get a Cash Advance

h/t Ace of Spades

I know I’m a day late and a dollar short but I was going thru pics on my camera and I came across this one. Kinda cool huh?

Motorhead Rob sent me this linky goodness. There’s nothing I like better than ginormous remote controlled WWII era bombers.

1. Our Home Owners Association(HOA) is a bunch of Nazis. In order to get our house painted we must get the Reichstags approval. Yeah I know in the long run this is good because we won’t have some jackoff painting his house bright purple with pink trim. However, it shouldn’t take a friggin month to get permission to paint MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE! If the HOA actually did it’s job, it would be sighting the fucktard up the street with the dandelion front lawn or the asswipe across the street(not you Brian, the other Brian), who decided to widen his driveway by adding a concrete slab that doesn’t match the rest of his driveway.

2. In something related to this post about the baseball game we went to on Wednesday. The owners of the Portland Beavers or who ever runs the damn stadium can kiss my pink ass. $8.25 for ONE fucking 16 oz beer? You’ve got to be fucking kidding. For the price of 2 beers, I could by a case at the grocery store.

3. Me, for paying $8.25 for a damn beer.

That is all.

I took today off so we could take in a game at PGE Park, home of the San Diego Padres AAA baseball team, the Portland Beavers. Quaint stadium, great seats. We were 6 rows behind the dugout on the first base side, close enough to get in a few jabs at the umpires, who by the way, seemed to be all midgets except the home plate umpire. He must have been nine feet tall. I’ll get back to Lurch in a bit. I’ve been to a bunch of games at Chavez Ravine but I can’t remember a game with this many home runs, 6 of them including back to back jacks by the Beav’s in the 3rd to tie up the game. The best part came in the seventh when it appeared the Redbirds rally had run short. After what seemed to be the final out of the inning, a foul tip strike three caught by the catcher, the umpiring crew had a conflagration at the mound to discuss the play. Some how, I’ll find out later, they over turned the play and the Redbirds had new life. This series of events set off Beaver’s manager Rick Renteria off doing his best Billy Martin imitation to the delight of the partisan crowd. It was great. The spectators started giving all their best taunts at Lurch, I wish I could have remembered them all, they were priceless. After it was all said and done, Lurch tossed the manager, the hitting coach and the pitcher from the game. All in all a great time on my day off. Here are some pics from the day.

I did this awhile back and I checked to see if it had changed. Well here are the results. Here’s what it was before.

How many of you out there know that there are organized leagues playing Rock Paper Scissors? How many thought you could make $50K in one event? I give you this fine evening a Mr. Jaime Langridge current USARPS champion for 2007 and $50K richer for it. Page down from the top of the USARPS link and you’ll come across a extremely disturb young man known as Master Rosh. He looks like they shot the picture mid shiite. Dude’s gonna give himself a hernia walking around with that sour puss. Oh no! I’ve clicked on his blog, somebody is gonna be sorry.

Here’s Master Rosh reviewing the win of the fore mentioned Jaime, I quote

Jamie Langridge, the 2007 Bud Light USARPS champion, made use of several well-known strategies during his Final Sixteen run, but combined and utilized them in a manner uniquely his own. His style of play can best be described as “complex adaptive,” as he switched effortlessly between runs of alternating and repeated throws.

Go forth minions of the Kaos Theory and take part in the festivities. Partake in the consumption of non human flesh products rendered to a charcoal state. Partake in the ingesting of vast quantities of adult beverages. Partake in the ignition of many flame inducing projectiles. Do all these activities with your friends and family. Rinse and Repeat.