The Kaos Theory

Wow, sorry for the long interval of unpostitude. I’ve been distracted again with all those things that make an easy excuse. Soccer, Piano blah blah blah. However, they are tiny episodes in the life of your child making it a nice moment. In this instance, a bunch of 7/8 year old girls actually listened and executed what the coach/adult taught them in practice. It was like one of those commercials where they super-impose little light bulbs above peoples heads, out of a team of 10 that day, there were at least 6 with their bulbs alight. Very nice. Now, I wish my precious one would accord me the same…um…benefit of the doubt?

Lastly, I still poke around Facebook quite a bunch, if anything just to get a giggle from Jen’s stuff. All ways a laugh riot. I know now, I must have to much time on my hand or I have to find a 12 step program for Internet Users. Which gets me to a peculiar game on Facebook strangely addicting to me. I’m not sure what causes me to just transfix on  Wii-like figures purchase cheap food from my stupid diner and why am I so worried about when the next FRIGGEN POT ROAST IS GONNA COME OUT OF THE OVEN!!

No comment.

and where do I go to get that hour back? All I know is we are in deep, deep, deep shiite as a country if this is how the next generation acts in a difficult situation. I’ve never heard such a bunch of whiny, petulant, narcissistic, selfish and spoiled people in my entire 44 years.  After a while I just had to plug my ears or I was going to commit some heinous crime against the TV. If I ever see any of these people in person, maybe standing in line at Starbuck’s as they bitch to the Barista about how their decaf-mocha-latte-piss-in-a-cup isn’t quite up to snuff.  I’m going to go to my car and get out that special Louisville Slugger I have for such occasions and go postal on them.

In honor of Earth Day, we in the Kaos household have done are part. Yes, we have. Want to know how? Well, by driving my daughter the 3/4 of a mile in my 5.7 liter, gas guzzlin’, Gaia raping, resource reducing 2003 Chevy Suburban. Sweet. What have you done to save the Planet?

There’s something I just don’t get about organizations like NOW or Gay rights activists. If a self confessed Christian decided to whack their daughter for not being Evangelical enough, NOW would be screaming bloody murder and basically linking the murder to all Christians. If a bunch of straight guys decided to have fun in San Fran by pushing walls onto teh gays in the Castro district, all hell would break loose. So why are they so eerily silent when it comes to Moooslims? Click here. In Iran, there are actual laws stating that gays should be killed. Where’s the Outrage? How about the girl in Saudi Arabia who was scheduled to have 200 lashes applied to her back for the crime of “being caught in a car meeting with a man who was not her husband or a relative”. Where’s the Outrage? Well I decided to check the NOW website, I had to take a shower after that, to see what issues drive the organization.

1. Some patchouli wearing bag died.

2. Healtcare for illegal border crossers. 

3. Votes for Non-Sexist Car Insurance 

4. Affordable birth control for young’uns.

Here’s what Aqsa Parvez got.

She didn’t get to live like the patchouli lady until to 69.

She wasn’t illegal, so no health insurance.

Too young to drive.

Too young to have sex.

Instead she got her throat crushed by her Moooslime father for the audacity to wear jeans and no headscarf.

Where’s the Fucking Outrage?

Looks like I fried the motherboard on my home PC. Here’s how the events unfolded.

1. Bought new game, Call of Duty 4.

2. Video card can’t handle new game.

3. Buy new video card.

4. Game still doesn’t play.

5. Find out it needs to have a power supply of at least 400 watts.

6. Buy 650 watt power supply and install.

7. Plug in computer.

8. Everything starts to power up, get this, without me even pushing the power button on.

9. Computer seems to boot except I don’t get any display on the monitor and none of those informational beeps you’d normally get when you boot successfully.

10. Remove power supply and reinstall old one and old video card, Reboot.

11. See #9.

12. Friggin pissed off that I’ve got to pony up more cash to get a new Mobo, processor, HD and all the other little sh*t needed to rebuild the damn thing.

You see up here in Oregon they have this wonderful recycling plan for glass, aluminum and plastic bottles. What they do is tack on five cents per unit when you buy your drink and it’s your responsibility to return the cans or bottles at degignated recycling spot so you can get the five cents back. The spot I’ve been using for the last 6 years is our local Albertson’s Supermarket. It seems that every friggin time I go the return my bottles, the GD automated recycling machines are full. This entails me having to go into the store and notify one of the employees that the bins are full. Today, I had to do this three times before anybody came out. My time is money and I was doing this on my lunch hour so I was in a hurry. So they send out Ricky Retardo to fix the machines. Oy Vey! This guy was dumber than a stump. So he basically opens up the machine and takes a broom to sweep the contents of the bin to one side to allow more glass to accumulate, which amounts to about 2 inches of glass. He leaves grumbling about something I have no idea what. I’m thinking to myself, self, you are going to fill that up in a heartbeat. But alas he has left the broom, now I don’t have to keep running into the store and grab another denizen of the little yellow bus to come and sweep the bin. So Ricky comes back and sees me fiddling with the broom and promptly locks the damn machine up. I tell him it’s going to be full again soon so why don’t you leave it unlocked eliminating the need for me to keep bugging his sorry ass. He grumbles something about my safety or what not and leaves again. He’s not gone one minute before the damn thing indicates it’s full. At this point I’m about to lose it. I take the remaining bottles dripping with month old stinky beer into the store and make the asshats count the rest by hand all the while making sure I drip as much the beer smegma everywhere possible.

of posting. Nothing seems to get the fire going right now. Busy with work and family is a major part of it. The other being, I CAN’T GET MY FUCKING USB DRIVES TO WORK AFTER I UPGRADED TO WIN XP. Therefore, I can’t upload my pics from my camera, I have no printer, no IPod, NO FRIGGIN ANYTHING! Oh, I guess I found something to write about after all. Anyway, I’ll leave you with this little tidbit. Bill Gates and Microsoft can SUCK MY DICK!

I was watching CSI last night and something struck me. Why is it that all the Serial Killers on shows like CSI and Criminal Minds always have krep relating to their killings or such posted all over where they live? Pictures of mutilated shiite, newspaper clippings of other mass murderers etc stuck everywhere. Then they interview the family, friends and neighbors who always say, oh, Johnny Serial Killer has always been such a good boy, I can’t believe he’d do such a thing, oh the shame. HASN’T ANYBODY FRIGGIN LOOKED IN HIS GAD DAM ROOM?

Sorry I haven’t been able to provide you stupendous content on a more consistent basis but my install of Win XP fukked up my computer. My hardware that’s 5 years old takes a crap when this shiite was installed. I’ve updated the bios, motherboard drivers, usb drivers, installed every friggin driver ever made but still I haven’t internet access nor usb device’s that work. They are in the device mgr “working properly” but they ain’t. I’m friggin pissed.

**Update**

Thanks to Brian “I’m a Fighter, Man!” for providing me with a new NIC card so I can get on the intertubes again. I still haven’t figured out why the USB drives are messed up. Any ideas out there?

My brother, the Shah, 13th in line for the throne of Iran sent me this one. I can’t imagine what my five year old will encounter 50 years from now but they way things are going it ain’t going to be pretty.

See  what 50 years will do.

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle  in gun rack.

1956 – Vice Principal  comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his
car and gets his to show  Jack.

2006 -  School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and
never sees  his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
students and  teachers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after  school.

1956 – Crowd gathers.  Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best
friends. Nobody goes to  jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 – Police called,  SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge
them with assault, both  expelled even though Johnny started it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other  students.

1956 – Jeffrey sent to  office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits
still in  class.

2006 – Jeffrey given  huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets
extra money from state  because Jeffrey has a disability.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father’s car and  his Dad gives him a
whipping.

1956 – Billy is more  careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college,
and becomes a successful  businessman.

2006 – Billy’s Dad is  arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care
and joins a gang. Billy’s  sister is told by state psychologist that she
remembers being abused herself and  their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has
affair with  psychologist.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache  medicine to school.

1956 – Mark shares  headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking  dock.

2006 – Police called,  Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
searched for drugs and  weapons.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Pedro fails high school  English.

1956 : Pedro goes to  summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006 : Pedro’s cause  is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper
articles appear nationally  explaining that teaching English as a requirement for
graduation is racist. ACLU  files class action lawsuit against state school
system and Pedro’s English  teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro
given diploma anyway but  ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t
speak  English.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from  the 4th of July,
puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant  bed.

1956 – Ants  die.

2006 – BATF, Homeland  Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic
terrorism, FBI investigates  parents, siblings removed from home, computers
confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on  a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly
again.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and  scrapes his knee. He
is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to  comfort him.

1956 – In a short time  Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 – Mary is accused  of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
faces 3 years in State  Prison.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now, You tell me,
Is  something wrong here?  

Most of you people don’t see the things I go through to keep this work in progress going which I call it the Kaos Theory. Most people call it a bunch of nonsense and I would agree with them. However, I would love to put a limit to the amount of comment spam I receive daily. Here’s an example of a response to a post from a spambot.

Like what you have to say. Your blog makes good since to me…

This is the same generic response I get for any post I have made. I could have advocated for the castration Marmosets or jews for that matter and still received the same salutation. It would go something this:

Kaos: I can’t stand anybody that doesn’t agree with Satanic religion.

Spambot: It was quite useful reading, found some interesting details about this topic, Thanks…….

Kaos:Death to Muslims!!

Spambot: Couldn’t agree with you more, keep up the good posts!

Oh woe is my life! BTW, keep doing the needful.

Ubergeek Dave sent me this piece of utter bullshit from the MPAA. Apparently if I have a TV greater than 29″, check, 2 or more comfortable chairs, check and stereo, check, I need to pay a $50 fee or a $500,000 per video fine if caught. Here’s a snippet that got my blood boiling.

“Just because you buy a DVD to watch at home doesn’t give you the right to invite friends over to watch it too. That’s a violation of copyright and denies us the revenue that would be generated from DVD sales to your friends,” said Glickman. “Ideally we expect each viewer to have their own copy of the DVD, but we realize that isn’t always feasible. The registration fee is a fair compromise.

So if my daughter has a play date over and they watch Finding Nemo, I have to pony up $50 to the MPAA? I have two words for them, FUCK OFF! Like they say, read it all and get pissed.

***Update***

I was trying to remember where I heard of this Dan Glickman asswipe, then it hit me. He’s an ex congresscritter. That makes me hate this fuckwad and his policies even more.

Another one for OTB.

Have my recent posts seem a wee bit pissy? Talk amongst yourselves in the comments. You guys know how to use the comments, right? Just click on the little thing that says comments and friggin SAY SOMETHING DAMMIT!

Some sick f*ck from Pakistan decides to Google “father f*ck his daughtar pic” and I’m numero uno on the hit list. What the f*ck is it with these Muslim countries and their obsession with pr0n? Not just regular pr0n but sick shiite with animals and your own daughter. WTF is wrong with these people? No wonder these demented fools fall for the 72 virgins thing. They’re so dam sexually repressed no wonder it’s so easy to get them to strap on the ol’ splody belts and race to heaven. The fact their religion hasn’t had a new thought in 700 years doesn’t help either. They force their women to cover up 99% of their bodies so not to tempt the men. What are the men supposed to do? Well they can either go out behind the camel shed and spank it, marry some chick you’ve never seen because of that dam burqa or blow themselves up to get to those virgins. H*ll they still think the desert nomad life is the shizzle and hey don’t those sheep p*ssies look like good. I know the way to win the WOT. Create the Playboy bunny brigades. Thousands of scantily dressed hot chicks scattered everywhere. They wouldn’t even need guns, the other side would give up. Once you’ve captured them all you put them in jails run exclusivly by gays and lesbians. Their heads would be spinning so fast from this contradiction they would be scarred for life. Hopefully questioning their devotion to the Religion of Peace to the point they have no choice but to give it up. Once they’ve been successfully deprogrammed, we ship them to Berkeley. The other thing I would do would block all internet traffic into these countries except for pr0n sites. 100% pr0n, 24/7 365. I feel better now, don’t you?

A few weeks ago my wife received a ticket for not wearing her seat belt while operating a motor vehicle, $91 bucks. Usually, you have the option to go to a class and have the violation expunged from your record but the Copper my wife was dealing with was an a$$h*le about it and didn’t offer. Resourceful, as the wife is known to be, she talked to one of her friends who happens to be an officer himself. Be a nice gent that he is, he fetched her the paperwork and told her what she needed to do. Well the date for having all this done was today. This forced her to go to the class last night. At some point everybody goes to one these things. You know where they show you pictures of people wrapped around trees, smashed heads and severed body parts. Kind of a Scared Straight for drivers. Well, she gets back from this and goes on and on about what she learned, vowing to always wear her seat belt from now on. Now I wish there was a class like this for credit card users. They could show movies of people getting their credit cards cut in half by an eager clerk. Slo-motion shots of the user flipping through the mail with nothing but canceled credit notices. Finally in the last scene you would see a haggard old bitty walking into the sunset wearing tube socks and two different types of shoes pushing a grocery cart.

For no particular reason my daughtar just renamed our 9 year cat old Gassy. No longer is she bequethed the name Twister. The one thing I forgot to tell you about our Twister is that it went lost for six months. Just like that, it done disdapeer’d! How do you think that happnend? No, I didn’t do it, though I can confess to wishing it but last I checked “thought crimes” is just a misdemeanor. I’ve got that going for me. But getting back to the story, I was p*issed. The cat comes back after 6 months and my exalted glorious title of “most gaseous” is usurped in a manner of moments. DAMN THOSE TABBIES!

I know now why College football is far superior a spectator sport to it’s professional counterpart. The pro coaches are p#ssies or should I say the way pro football is played makes them p#ssies. The coaches are so staid in there ways in critical situations taking any of the true challenge out of the game. What’s wrong with going on fourth down early in a game? Here’s what they’d say.
Oooooh noooooo. what would the talking heads say? or Well, based on the computer animation from Dreamworks, a draw play on a 4th and 3 won’t work 25% on 3rd Sundays in October but our Yanamamo shaman said……. You know what I mean.

Watching College ball is a joy. There’s nothing like it in football. Anybody can basically beat anybody anytime. Home or Away. It doesn’t matter. Finally, this is my advice to the powers that be who run Pro football – Let’me play dammit!

** Update**

I think I have away of explanning why I’m beginning to despise pro sports in general execpt for maybe the NBA. However I do hate the NBA but here reasons are quite a different post. ain for the NBA has other reasons not applicable right now. To me, the coaches are acting like poker or high dollar card pros instead they the exact opposite. They all seem to follow the same dogmatic formula to coaching one of the most exciting sports on the planet.

**Update

WTF am I talking about? Somebody please explain what I was trying to say because I have no idea.

I’d like to say something profound and deep on the subject but the only thing I see is red. Pure anger.

The title is from a comment some nutball posted to a rant I did about Cinco De Mayonaise. Such depth and nuance, I almost changed my mind. This waste of humanity evidently can’t read or understand a simple point of argument. I have no problem with immigrants coming to this country, my whole family came from somewhere other than the US BUT when they came here, now get this, here’s the kicker, the crossed into the States LEGALLY! They didn’t cross over the border in the middle of the night or sneak in by hiding out in a ship container. They went through the proper channels to get here and once they did, they learned the language, followed the rules and eventually prospered in their new homeland. What a friggin tool.

Cheesehead Todd is at it again. This time he hit me right in the gut. Which happens to be soft and wide but still it hurts the funnybone. You know I just LOVE illegal immigration, it makes for such a wonderful America. All those jobs we won’t do just pisses me off. Jobs like Computer programmers and call center droids, you know what I mean. Jobs that pay better than if you work at WalMart or Costco. Well, here it is. Enjoy the racism because it comes from the other side of the equation. Ask any El Salvadorean who try’s to cross into Mexico, ILLEGALLY! F*ck Off.

I don’t normally do “Politics” here considering the blog has morphed into a pseudo cycling blog but I have to say something about this. I’m sitting in my home office working with the local radio station morning show on in the background and I hear they finally offed the infamous jihadist smut film producer. So instead of interviewing people in Iraq like Iraq the model and how this will affect their lives, they have a nice quote from Nicholas Berg’s father about how this will just create more terorists. This from the father of the man whose head was sawed off with a knife by Zarqawi. Fuck You! Then at another break the interview some academic basically saying that killing him was really nothing, blah blah blah blah…My question to the mainstream media (MSM) is Which fucking side are you on? I’m sick and tired of this shiite. Now I’m waiting for the moral equivalence crowd to rear their ugly heads explaining how it was America’s fault that Zarqawi was such a loser and because of that didn’t deserve to die. America=Evil always was always will be. Camel humping smut film creators who are against America=Misunderstood souls only trying to throw off the yokes of American Imperialism and Hegemony. Now you know why I don’t watch the news anymore, I don’t think my blood pressure could take it.

More for OTB.