Archive for January, 2006

Son of a Bitch

Tuesday, January 31st, 2006

My friend JereseySueK sent me this. Enjoy!

The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his
trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide,
holding a net, yelled, “look at the size of that Son of A Bitch!”
“Son, I’m a priest. Your language is uncalled for!”
“No, Father, that’s what kind of fish it is–a Son of a Bitch
Fish!”
“Really? Well, then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!”
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
“Father, that’s the biggest Son of a Bitch I’ve ever seen.”
“Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?”
“Why, eat it of course. You’ve never tasted anything as good as
a Son of a Bitch!”
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading
his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
“Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!”
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, “Father!”
“It’s OK, Sister. That’s what kind of fish it is–a Son of a
Bitch Fish!”
“Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a
Bitch?”
“Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the
taste of A Son of a Bitch.”
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a
Bitch for his dinner. “I’ll even clean the Son of a Bitch,” she said. As
she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
“What are you doing Sister?”
“Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
Bishop’s dinner.”
“Sister! I’ll clean it if you’re so upset! Please watch your
language!”
“No, no, no, it’s called a Son of a Bitch fish.”
“Really? Well, in that case, I’ll fix up a great meal to go with
it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when
you’ve finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch.”
On the night of the new Bishop’s visit, everything was perfect.
The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the
fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, “This is great fish, where did
you get it?”
“I caught that Son of a Bitch!” proclaimed the proud priest.
The Bishop’s eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
“And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!” exclaimed the Sister.
The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.
The Friar added, “And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a
special recipe!”
The new Bishop looked around at each of them.
Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said,
“You fuckers are my kind of people!”

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Ride 1/22/06 update

Friday, January 27th, 2006

I forgot to pass on this little encounter I had while riding that day. Part of my ride is to hook up to the Springwater Corridor at Linnemann Station after a 8 mile jaunt from my house. I’m cruising down the bike path and in the distance I see this husky guy about 1/2 mile ahead of me. As I drew closer I noticed he was (a) fatter than I thought and (b) riding in blue jean shorts. It was 37 friggin degrees out at 11:00am. I didn’t think much about hime as I approached steadily from behind. He was riding a hybrid type bike, mountain bike handle bars and skinny road rims. As I pass him he says hello and respond in kind. This is when this tool decide to open his pie hole again. At first I really didn’t understand what he said so I slowed and looked over my shoulder and this conversation ensued.
Me: “What did you say?”
Tool: “Um, er eh nothing”
Me:(shaking my head)
Tool:”I said in six months you won’t be passing me like that”
Me:(shaking my head again)
Me:(slowing down to make sure he could hear me) “Dude, this is basically my first ride of the year and I’m completely out of shape and I just shot by you like you were standing still. Do you think I’m going to be sitting on my ass shoving oreo’s and twinkies dowm my throat for the next six months you’re greatly mistaken. I will be zipping right by you in six months, nine months or 2 years”, it won’t matter how much you ride.”

I probably was too hard on the old chap but I didn’t like his Tude. I was just riding along minding my own business, enjoying the scenery etc and this guy pops my bubble with his crap.

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Trouble with the archives

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

It seems my link to the archives keeps giving me the infamous 404 error. I think I have my blogger archive setting correct. When I check the server to see where the files are housed, www.dndnl.com/archive/2005_10_01_archive.html/, I can see them but when I click on the link, nothing. I contacted Blogger tech support through email, they were as helpful as oven mitts to a safe cracker.

Here are my settings.
Archive url – http://www.dndnl.com/archive/
Archive path – archive/
Archive name – archive.html

Like I stated, I can see the archived post on the server in the correct path. Anybody, I mean, all 2 of you that have been to my site, got any ideas?

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Ride Stats 1/22/06

Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

Finally got to get out on the road bike today. I really haven’t ridden since Thanksgiving except for a few sessions on the trainer. I’m not trying to make excuses but we had something like 30 days of straight rain. I can tell by how I felt during the last 5 miles, my fitness level has declined. However, with the sun staying up later as the days grow on, I suspect this will change. My first official sanctioned ride will be on February 12th, The Worst Day of the Year ride, in Portland. I have started making a schedule to ride at least one rally each month until the end of September where I will finish of with the Tour de Whidbey.

Here’s a short list of the rides I’m planning on entering.

The Daffodil Classic
The Tour De Cure
The Apple Century
The Tour of the Coeur D’Alenes

Todays measly stats, 21.5 miles averaging 13.7 mph.

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Cindy Sheehan nightmare

Monday, January 9th, 2006

Every once in awhile I’ll have one of these strange disjointed dreams that comes out of the blue. The meaning of it or the reason why I have the dream isn’t clear to me but this one got me out of bed at 1:30am pst. The dream starts at my Mom’s house where I grew up. I’m upstairs in my bed asleep on my stomach. Next thing I know is Saint Cindy Sheehan is lying facedown on top of me. WTF! What the hell is she doing here? I think to myself, this is weird, considering it’s 1982. So what do I do? I’ve got to get this big lady off of me or I’m going to suffocate. I decide the best thing to do is try to get on my hands and knees and roll her off of me. As I’m doing this I realize we are not alone in bed. Evidently, War Hero John Murtha is lying on his back besides me as well. Double WTF! Now I’m really freaked out. This bit of added information gets me going so I heave off Saint Cindy on top of War Hero Murtha. His rotundness is not a good place to balance the behemouth Saint Cindy. There she teeters. Not knowing whether she is going to roll back on me or not I gave her one final push and off she rolled right over War Hero Murtha and on to the floor. The sound eminating from her when she landed on her face scared the crap out of me. Thud! Moan! I’m thinking to myself again, why didn’t she at least put her hands out to break the fall? That’s going to leave a mark. I peer over the edge of the bed to see what the damage is and lo and behold she’s gone but not for good. Oh shit, now she’s downstairs moaning and howling. Coming upstairs for me! I roll over to face the door and await my doom but thankfully I woke up. Eventhough I was awake but groggy I still thought she was outside my door. Back to bed for me, I just hope this isn’t one of those dreams that when I go back to sleep it starts right off again..

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