Yep that’s right, I’ve got a guest poster here at The Kaos theory. His name is Haasan and he’s from Qom, Iran. Current he is studying Chemical Engineering at Jihad Polytechnical with a minor in long range rocketry. Welcome him in with open arms into the Kaos Theory family.
Archive for March, 2007
Guest Poster
Saturday, March 31st, 2007300 review by Josh
Saturday, March 31st, 2007My friend Josh at Random Rants has a great post about the movie 300. When he finally gets around to posting something, once a quarter on average, he hits a home run.
I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.Â
Damn.
Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.Â
Dick made of three machine guns! Holy shiite, what a visual. Don’t get me started on the Rosie thing, I might have to pluck out my eyeballs out and scrub the open sockets with liberal amounts of rock salt.
Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?
Bwahahahahaha. Priceless!
My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year for a film having no plot, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.Â
Now that’s a movie I’d like to see. If only I knew Photoshop better I think I could make a great movie poster out of that. Actually, if any of my 3 readers knows how to do this, I’d be more than happy to steal it for my own and mock you all the way to the bank.
195!
Saturday, March 31st, 2007195. That be my weight this morning. Woo Hoo! Do you want to know my secret of success, if you call success 3 lbs in 4 weeks? Here’s my theory. Eat = weight gain, No eat = no weight gain. Fucking genius I am. Top this off with the fact I have been on the bike in 4 weeks, it’s a friggin macarel.
Think first before declaring war on France
Thursday, March 29th, 2007Another one from the infamous Cheesehead Todd, the dude is en fuego.
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings.
“Hallo, Mr. Chirac!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy
down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Chirac replied, “This is indeed important news! How big
Is your army?”
“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the pub. That makes eight!”
Chirac paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begorra!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Chirac asks.
“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Marphy’s farm tractor.”
Chirac sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to
150,000 since we last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Chirac, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My
military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr.
Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Chirac. “Why the sudden change
of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and
decided there is no fookin’ way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners.”
Bwahahahahahahaaaaa!
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007 Over to the right at the top of the page I have an Arabic version of the phrase “I will not submit”. No big deal, huh? I’ve been receiving many hits from Islamic countries like Pakistan, UAE and Saudi Arabia searching for “Hentai Ass Sex” or some variation on that wording. The funniest part about it, at least to me, is they go searching for it and end up here. I love it. Those damned horny Jihadist just can’t get enough. Must be a shortage of sheep or something. Just look at the screen grab, it warms the cockles of my heart. The Google search for Ass Sex is combined with the “submit” logo. Must drive them nuts. As Johnny Carson used to say “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits”
Peyton Manning SNL Parody
Monday, March 26th, 2007This is a great parody of the United Way commercials the NFL uses to promote good deeds. Peyton is funnier than shiite.
Cannon Beach
Sunday, March 25th, 2007 
And away he goes…
PerFect!
You wanna piece of me?
The Chase Part I
The Chase Part II
Depth of Field
Overheard in my kitchen
Sunday, March 25th, 2007Wife – Honey, can you get a flashlight?
Me – OK.
Wife – There’s a meatball underneath the stove.
Me – WTF?
200,000 miles
Sunday, March 18th, 2007 The BMW went over 200,000 miles yesterday while on our way to St. Paddy’s day celebration in downtown Portland. So I decided to document this momentous occasion. Notice I’m taking the pic while driving 55 mph. Now that IS impressive.
A Little Weekend Eye Candy
Saturday, March 17th, 2007I saw these during the St. P’s day festivities. The fourpack was hanging around the door at Barcode begging to have their picture taken and I obliged. We are ALL richer for it!
Southpark Kaos
Thursday, March 8th, 2007
Ride Stats 3/06/07
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007I took a slightly longer lunch than usual so I could get out on the road. The weather was great, 70 degrees and sunny. I’m going to combine my last 2 rides in this post. On Sunday, Van and his friend Jeff went for a short ride. Since this was Jeff’s first day on his brand spanking new bike we decide to just ride the Springwater trail. We went about 18 miles averaging 14.8 mph. Jeff hasn’t rode a bicycle in years so he was a wee bit sore the next day. Todays ride was the Linneman loop I’ve done many times before.
20.73 miles
14.5 Average speed
36.3 max speed
todays weight 198.4
All Hail the Goracle!
Friday, March 2nd, 2007This is the crap that gets my panties in a bind, if I wore them of course. The Goracle win the academy award for a piece of shiite movie designed to make us feel bad about polluting the beloved god of the earth Gaia. He goes on and on how its the fault of us sheeples who drive our SUV’s, who have more than one non electric/hybrid car, and god forbid do not use the eco-friendly light bulbs. The Goracle is full of it up to his “carbon-neutral” eyeballs. Take a look at this. Read it, I’ll wait.
Ok your back now. Here is my favorite part.
The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh—more than 20 times the national average.
Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh—guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.
This doesn’t take into account his jet setting all over the world in private jets. So to assuage his guilt, the Goracle buys these little things called “Carbon Offsets”. These are paid to companies that will plant trees or invest in wind power. Guess which one the Goracle buy his from, Generation Investment Management, you guessed it, it’s one HE set up. In other words he’s paying himself for higher energy usage. Fecking hypocrite. Nothing worse than a fecking hypocrite in my book. This is a great analysis of what I’m talking about but from people that have much higher degrees of education than I. And this is also quite instructive. I wish I wrote it myself.
Here’s another interesting tidbit, whose house does this describe.
The 4,000-square-foot house is a model of environmental rectitude
Geothermal heat pumps located in a central closet circulate water through pipes buried 300 feet deep in the ground where the temperature is a constant 67 degrees; the water heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. Systems such as the one in this “eco-friendly” dwelling use about 25% of the electricity that traditional heating and cooling systems utilize.A 25,000-gallon underground cistern collects rainwater gathered from roof runs; wastewater from sinks, toilets and showers goes into underground purifying tanks and is also funneled into the cistern. The water from the cistern is used to irrigate the landscaping surrounding the four-bedroom home. Plants and flowers native to the high prairie area blend the structure into the surrounding ecosystem.
None other ChimpyMcHitler, George Bush.
Al Gore can FUCK OFF! I’m so pissed off right now I think I’m going to go start all my cars and just let’em idle to their gas guzzling hearts content.
I forgot to add that apparently the human race is so devious and clever that we too can cause global warming on MARS! These people who espouse this global warming crap are nothing but Marxist’s dressed in green. Do you remmeber in the 70′s when everybody was worried about Global Cooling? I thought so.
h/t’s to too many to even keep track of.
