The Kaos Theory

Here’s a scenario that I think will take place soon in the good ol’USA. A news flash comes on CNN.

Anchorwhore Tiffany:

FLASH, BREAKING NEWS!! Springfield, Illinois has been incinerated by an atomic device! Now, we switch over to Bob Blowhard, our closest reporter to the scene.

Bob:

Well, I’m standing here in Palm Beach, Florida in our specially fortified CNN bunker. Tragedy has struck the fly over country….yaaaaaaaaawn……..allegedly some sort of bomb has destroyed Springfield. No information yet of the whereabouts of a Mr. and Mrs. Homer J. Simpson or their 3 children.

Tiffany: 

Ummmm….Bob…..that’s the wrong Springfield.

Bob:

Ok, Whatever…..

Tiffany:

Now let’s turn it over to our Washington corespondent Mike Rotch who is attending a press conference by the President of the World Barack “don’t call me Hussein” Obama…obama…obama….ma….ma…ma.

Mike:

Mr. super awesome person who ever lived and my life is nothing compared to you President. Can you tell us your opinion on how Springfield is holding up?

Jesus:

Thank you Mr. Rotch……Mike is it? Mike Rotch……bwahahahahahahahaahhaha….. Who let this guy in? Next question. Yes, Ms. Buttreeks.

Maya Buttreeks:

Hello Dream cake…..

Jesus:

(whispering off stage) Rahm get that girls phone number.

Yes Ms. Buttreeks…your question?

Maya:

(faints on the spot)

Jesus:

Next question? Ok to you Bea O’Problem

Bea:

I’ve got one simple question for you Sir…..was there any possible way you and your staff, the CIA, NSA, FBI and the myriad of other organizations under your auspicious could have prevented this evil undertaking?

Jesus:

“It was a mistake,” Obama told reporters  before he went to visit FBI headquarters. “It was something we found out about along with all of you and it will not happen again.”

Tiffany:

Investigators at the scene have determined the unnamed Right wing Extremist are to blame despite the video issued from a cave in Pakistan showing an allegedly “terrorist” driving in a container truck into the middle of Springfield, getting out of said truck, firing up a giant generator and pushing the ignite button on a big ass bomb sitting out in the open on the back of the truck. It’s been disclosed to CNN from a reliable source that “Women, Children and Minorities Hurt Worst”.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 at 4:01 pm and is filed under Comedy, Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.